On Sarcasm

The Perilous Endeavour Against Earnestness

The Perilous Endeavour Against Earnestness

It’s deceptive. I thought living in another country where people speak English would contain similar acting people. I wonder why I thought that? One thing I’ve noticed is American people’s general immunity to expressions of sarcasm. How did these fascinating people develop such that an expression of even the teeniest touch of it is responded to with either shock, hurt, or worse, glazed over eyes? Is it the institution of individual freedom, absorbed or mentally beaten into every citizen? The fearless, careless ripple of the starry flag riding on the winds of beaming self-righteousness? The fierce pride of the frontier that permeates the modern, earnest consciousness? Whatever it is, I’d just like it if more people laughed at things I say. It might not be your fault America, but I’m going to help you out a little, case by case.

The other day in my photography class I commented on the large amount of water waste by having to wash all the chemicals out of the developing tank. Again and again. Then I said,

“Well, it’s alright. It’s not as if San Francisco is in a drought or anything.”

A classmate responded, “Well, actually the Bay Area is experiencing a pretty serious period of drastically low water procurement.” I couldn’t believe my ears. My eyes grew wider than a Japanese anime character’s. I told the girl I was joking. But her mind was on something else by then or she ignored me. This is the simplest form of sarcasm, telling an overt, silly fib to exaggerate a point. Not much to it. Nothing to be done here but whistle and move on.

Some seem on the cusp of understanding and even practising sarcasm. My eyes well up with proud, voluminous tears every time I hear it. I’ve heard people say preposterous things. Which is promising. But then ruined it by qualifying them at the very end with a “just kidding.” If they weren’t kidding, they’d need some kind of help, and we know that, and we’re here to support you. So there’s really no need to say something like “do you get potatoes in Australia?” and then say, “just kidding.” This is funny by itself! Don’t ruin it! It’s like beginning a joke with the punch line. Come on! There’s a small chance anyone believes potatoes haven’t made it to Australia, and if they do, it might be best to leave them cooking in their own warm, lovely ignorance.

A couple of weeks later I was in meteorology class. Our professor, Oswaldo encouraged us to do an online survey asking students about their thoughts on the price of textbooks. I turned to my friend sitting beside me and declared,

“I think I’d like to pay more for textbooks.” My friend frowned.

“More?” If we pause here, at the crux of the conversation, I can point out a few things. I’ve just dropped a conversational bomb. An idea that my friend clearly does not agree with. But not only does she seem to not agree, the muscles in her face rearrange themselves into a frown; facial evidence I’ve said something truly outrageous. If I gave up now, it would be a draw. So I do the only sensible thing I can think of and raise the stakes.

“Yeah, maybe double. I think I’d rather pay twice as much for textbooks, seeing as I’ve got all this money and nothing really to spend it on.” By this time she caught on and promptly made a quip in return (hooray!).

So I’ve made some progress. It’s a problem as ubiquitous as it is irritating. I don’t mean to scare you. But instead to let you know I’m working on it. As far as I know, I’m the most important person in my life. So I’d appreciate if everybody is cooperative as I patiently teach America the intricate art of lying to make people laugh. Trust this liar, and we can all have a good chuckle when I’m finished. And if by chance I have offended anyone, perhaps I can humbly borrow a piece of your people’s (metaphorical) parchment, pardon myself with a hasty “just kidding!” and slowly back out of the (hypothetical) room.

 

Aidan de Lorenzo
delorenzo.ac@gmail.com
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