12 Oct Why you gotta be so rude?

There are different stereotypes connected to different nationalities. Spanish people are supposed to be passionate, Italians load, Germans practical, Americans friendly, Japanese people shy and polite and Koreans love to party. According to many tourists and immigrants in Norway, Norwegians, and Scandinavians in general, are cold and rude. Ouch! Really? The cute, friendly stereotypes were all taken? These stereotypes usually arise through cultural differences. We all have different ways of conducting ourselves depending on where we are from. What is rude in one country may be perceived as polite in another.

Dinner etiquette is very different around the world. When I was growing up I was taught that I always had to finish my food, or else I’d be impolite towards my hosts. Leaving food on my plate would be considered a way of telling my hosts that I did not enjoy the food they prepared. However in the Philippines this would imply that I want more food and could mean that I think my hosts has not been providing me with enough to eat. Chewing loudly or slurping was also a big no-no when growing up, as this was a sign of a person with bad manner and reflects poorly on their parents. However in several Asian countries eating loudly is seen as the correct behavior as it is a sign that you enjoy the food.

In the next paragraph I will try to explain different phenomenon of Norwegian culture that might have contributed to our infamous stereotype of being a rude and cold people.

Excuse my Norwegian arm!

This is an expression in Norway as we often stretch over the table to fetch whatever item we need instead of asking others to simply pass it. This may seemed like an ill-mannered and impatient move, but many Norwegians will consider it to be both efficient and considerate, as you do not inconvenience your company. How many times have I not tried to enjoy a shrimp sandwich or a taco without having to pass every ingredient up and down and cross the table before I can take a single bite?

The Norwegian arm is an excellent tool when storming a buffet. © Marie Aadnesen

– Hey, you!

For most non-Norwegian I imagine this to be an unattractive feature of Norwegian language. The old polite formalities of sir, madam, excuse me and professor, have been cast aside for first names and you. Keep in mind we mean well, we are just super casual. As with the Norwegian arm this is also how we walk. Hurriedly and silently zig-zagging through the crowd as if we are doing urban, horizontal slalom. When Norwegians slide past you instead of saying “pardon” it is their way of being polite by not inconveniencing you, a sort of extension of the Norwegian arm. However, if anyone fails their slalom and bump into you, they’re supposed to apologize, if not they’re even a little rude in Norway and you can righteously stare angrily at their backs.

Aloofness

Norwegian as well as many other north-Europeans seem aloof, uninterested and maybe even unfriendly to strangers. We will not sit next to you or anyone else on the bus unless we have to. Sitting next to a stranger on a bus when there are many seats available is considered creepy by many Norwegians. Talking to strangers on the bus or waiting for the bus is uncommon, unless it is about the weather or the bus being late, and even that is not that common. If you stop a random Norwegian on the street and try to engage them in a conversation chances are big they think you are a) crazy b) drunk or high c) trying to sell them something or d) all of the above.

Just a pair of unfriendly Norwegians hanging out in the Vigeland park. © Marie Aadnesen

Stink eye

Social control is very efficient in Norway. Is someone talking to loudly on the bus? Give them the old stink eye and they’ll shut up like a clam if they have a bone of decency in their body. Is someone occupying a seat with their bag during rush hour? Stink eye. Or perhaps someone is trying to board the subway before people have gone off? Stink eye. However, if you try this in San Francisco best case scenario people will think you have a bitchy resting face and worst case they’ll drop a “what are you looking at” and come storming towards you. That is when the Norwegian slalom skills come in handy and you’re outta there.

Joey doesn’t share food!

Ever grabbed a beer out of the hands of a Norwegian and got the old stink eye? You might think that this is because Norwegians are greedy. However, when you are going to Norwegian parties you will se that everyone bring their own drinks. The host may provide some snacks, some food or even some welcome drinks, but alcohol in Norway is so expensive that Norwegians, especially students, rarely can afford to buy each other rounds, and it is very unlikely the can afford to provide a whole party with drinks. In fact in Norway showing up time after time without your own drinks and munching of your friends is seen as being stingy and rude.

A Norwegian party is usually B.O.B. © Marie Aadnesen

– It’s a free country!

In Norway, and Western Europe in general, freedom of speech is held very highly. It is a very important right indeed, but it is often used to excuse people saying whatever falls into their head without thinking about how it makes other people feel. Of course you can say sexist, ageist, racist or other provocative remarks, but just because you have the freedom to do so does not mean that you have to. Sometimes it is good to have a filter between your mind and your mouth, so you can filter out things that only to damage to relations and does not contribute to any smaller nor greater good. I am no saint myself and have put my foot my mouth on several occasions, but it is important to at least reflect on your words and other people’s reactions to them once in a while. The thing is that you do not know how people with different cultural background will react to different situations. Nonetheless, if you wish to build bridges instead of burning them you should care how your words affects other people. As long as your intentions are pure and you strive to treat people with respect and sensitivity you cannot go too wrong. And if you do, there is no shame in apologizing.

In the end, if you rally on and manage to break the ice you find out that people all over the world are mostly nice and interesting people. You can learn a lot about the world, about people and about yourself by getting to know people from other countries and culture. My dear, brave, young readers, set your stereotypes aside, keep your mind and your heart open, your spirit up, and go mingle!

Norwegians can also be happy and friendly, and perhaps even polite. © Marie Aadnesen