30 Nov A Vindication of True Love
In default of a more impartial view on the topic, here is a case for true love. Reader discretion is advised insofar as my account may be highly subjective, desperately optimistic and perhaps even attack one’s worldview. But here is what a real lover thinks:
When leaving home for a semester or a year abroad, you have to leave certain things behind – no doubt about that. It could be your family, your friends, or your girl- or boyfriend. All are valuable things in and of themselves, but some things are just not going to travel with you. However, one thing you should never get rid of, is what is of boundless value: your love and the love you’re given. That includes the love to your family as well as the love you share with your friends, but above all the love to your boy- or girlfriend.
What makes me think that way? Well, it’s a matter of how you define love, and with that of how you define yourself. If you see love only as a good that can be disposed after use and if you don’t rely on virtues like fortitude and temperance you’re probably fine with my previous speaker. But my question to those who break up after only one month would be: how deep would you seriously consider your love to a person if 4 weeks (30 days!) of separation can already get you apart? You see, the answer is already implied in the question.
But if you -by contrast- still believe in honesty, faith and veracity, you’re better off sharing my point of view. In my opinion these who really know what a serious relationship is all about, these who know how to spell commitment flawlessly, these who decide to stay together and manage it, these will be the preservers and guardians of virtues and values in our fast moving time and with that competing easily with the experience of “exploring new cultures through romantic relationships”.
Therefore I’d like to make an appeal to anybody who is with me and especially to those who are not: stand by your true love, have faith, see it as a challenge that furthers you much more than following superficial vices. And, last but not least: be brave and patient enough to be considered “boring”, because in the end that is what will make you stronger, better and definitely happier than ever before.
Marjolein
Posted at 18:07h, 01 DecemberGo Phil!!!! I’m definitely with you!
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Posted at 06:59h, 04 Decemberso true, wise, lasting!
CA
Posted at 08:28h, 06 DecemberThis is completely true! Thank you, Phil, for writing this!
Sure, you might change during your time abroad but has this always to be into a negative direction? Does it alway mean no chance to stay together after you come back? I don’t think so.
I would never break up just because I’m leaving for some months. It has never been so easy to stay in contact. Phone, e-mails and skype, where you can even see each other. And if both are willing to keep the relationship working, it is definitely possible.
And I do not have the feeling that I’m missing something from the American culture since I’m not dating an American guy.
I absolutely agree to what Phil said that you, if you are strong enough, will “survive” your time abroad!!!
Felipe
Posted at 21:03h, 08 December10/10
It’s easy to break up.
It’s hard to stay together.
I agree completely with this.
Timmy
Posted at 00:55h, 12 DecemberI’m inclined to agree more with Noah on this subject. However the ultimate reality is that nobody’s circumstances are simply black and white, and none can be easily generalised. It boils down to the values, beliefs, stage in life, and definition of love of the individuals. Therefore saying one way is better or more likely to end in a happy ending than the other is wrong. To “CA” above, nobody said anything about change in a negative direction, just change in a different direction – which a lot of the time is positive.
Noah was not disregarding true love, just putting a few realities into perspective. Realities that are common to this stage in our young lives (especially for those who are in a LDR or have ended a relationship before leaving). The main one being that as young adults, we are still extremely impressionable and magnified by being in another country, want to grab life by the unmentionables and make the most of every experience (including romance). Which I believe is at the heart of why people feel change. I firmly believe that LDRs can endure and end happily; it may just be a tad more difficult (keeping in mind that lies are lot easier told when not face to face). But again like I said, nothing is black and white and individual results may vary (sorry, had to say that lol… please consult your doctor if pain persists).
Here’s my story. I was with my girlfriend for 18 months before I came on student exchange. We grew our relationship around our independence and love of each other’s company. We loved each other. (Might I add that it is definitely not my view that “love is only a good that can be disposed of after use”, love is good but can be and does get disposed of after use – its called change or falling out of love). At the same time however, we realised that we were young and it may not last forever, especially because we are both adventurers and knew we’d be apart for long distances at different times (the first being my trip to California). So we broke up on the day I left. We painfully set each other free. I like to think that if true love between us exists, then we will find each other again, regardless of whether we’ve been with other people. And if not, as Noah had said, in the long run it wouldn’t have worked out had I not gone overseas in the first place. This has allowed both my ex-girlfriend and I the freedom to experience the best of our time apart without worry. It hasn’t worked that way perfectly, but my time in San Francisco has been one of the best of my life and I wouldn’t change a thing.
The bottom line is – do what makes you happy! Things will always work out for the best if you allow it.
T.
T
Posted at 02:28h, 13 Decemberthere it is!